Dear Bryant,
Well tomorrow is Mother's Day. My 1st first without you and it comes after a long week. Last Monday was rough knowing you would have been 6 months. I was thinking how you would be sitting up and starting to eat food. It makes me sad that I can not picture you like that. But once again the Lord has shown me the love I have around me.
Yesterday morning I received an Edible Arrangement from cousin Diane (very yummy by the way!) Her card said "Dear Marci- There is no footprint too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world. Wishing you peace in your heart this Mother's Day knowing that both of your boys are in the best hands!! Lots of love, Diane" That note did my heart good!
Then yesterday afternoon I received roses from Nana and Aunt Ree Ree- they brightened my day and also reminded me how hard it will be for them to go through the firsts without you.
I sent Nana and Aunt Ree Ree frames for mother’s day with you and Brady in them. Nana called today crying after she opened it. She said to me "I don't know how you do it" and I said "I just do" Then tonight as I was reading Tony Dungy's Quiet Strength (for those of you who may not know he lost a son in 2005 and then won a Superbowl with the Colts in 2006 ) he wrote this after talking about his superbowl win and I felt he was speaking from my heart...
"And so we press on. We press on with our memories, our hearts buoyed by a God who loves us and wants us to know Him deeply. We press on with our sense that life's not always fair. And we press on with the knowledge--and assurance--that even though we can't see all of God's plan, He is there, at work and in charge, loving us. We press on with the conviction that even though we don't deserve the gifts and blessings we've been given, He gives them anyway. We press on into an abundant life on earth, followed by an eternity with God.”
I pray I can be as strong in my faith, loving God even through these times.
One thing I know for sure you will be missed tomorrow, as you are everyday!
Love, Mama
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Dear Bryant- Sorry it has been so long
Dear Bryant,
Sorry it has been so long since I have sat down to write to you. I guess I am not very good at this blogging thing since I don't do it often enough. But to catch you up...
Brady and I went to New York to visit during spring break and Daddy came up for the end of the week. It was nice being there and just relaxing. The trip was bitter sweet for me- since you had never been there, there were not constant reminders of you everywhere but I was so sad you had never been there and meet all the crazy New York family. The service/visitation we had for you at the church was so overwhelming. We had over 100 people come to see us and watch your slideshow.
It still seems so unreal that you are gone.
When we got home from NY we received your final autopsy report. It was declared Unexplained Infant death (SIDS). I was glad you didn't choke but still wish I hadn't left you upstairs by yourself. I am so sorry baby maybe I could have done something if I had been by you? I know it is Gods plan and I am not supposed to understand. I wonder if you understand it? Does he tell you what the greater plan is? Or are you just so happy and content in Heaven you don’t worry about it? Your Daddy and I were talking last night and he said "we have to remember especially being Easter this week, that God made the ultimate sacrifice by having Jesus die for us" I am so thankful for that because on some of my darkest days I just dream of how great it will be to see you again someday.
On another note we are going to try to sell our house. It is just not the same without you here. I have mixed feelings about it - we need something happy- but in a new house you will not have a room (I guess you don’t need that overcrowded, badly decorated room anyways- do you?) I just pray that if it is the right thing to do our house will sell if it is not we will stay here.
I miss you so much.
Love,
Mama
Sorry it has been so long since I have sat down to write to you. I guess I am not very good at this blogging thing since I don't do it often enough. But to catch you up...
Brady and I went to New York to visit during spring break and Daddy came up for the end of the week. It was nice being there and just relaxing. The trip was bitter sweet for me- since you had never been there, there were not constant reminders of you everywhere but I was so sad you had never been there and meet all the crazy New York family. The service/visitation we had for you at the church was so overwhelming. We had over 100 people come to see us and watch your slideshow.
It still seems so unreal that you are gone.
When we got home from NY we received your final autopsy report. It was declared Unexplained Infant death (SIDS). I was glad you didn't choke but still wish I hadn't left you upstairs by yourself. I am so sorry baby maybe I could have done something if I had been by you? I know it is Gods plan and I am not supposed to understand. I wonder if you understand it? Does he tell you what the greater plan is? Or are you just so happy and content in Heaven you don’t worry about it? Your Daddy and I were talking last night and he said "we have to remember especially being Easter this week, that God made the ultimate sacrifice by having Jesus die for us" I am so thankful for that because on some of my darkest days I just dream of how great it will be to see you again someday.
On another note we are going to try to sell our house. It is just not the same without you here. I have mixed feelings about it - we need something happy- but in a new house you will not have a room (I guess you don’t need that overcrowded, badly decorated room anyways- do you?) I just pray that if it is the right thing to do our house will sell if it is not we will stay here.
I miss you so much.
Love,
Mama
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Dear Bryant- it's all in your name
Dear Bryant,
Another a-ha moment for your mom! About two weeks after you passed your Daddy and I went to Lowes. I was having a hard time that day just being "normal" in public when I hear "Bryant will you help those ladies". The man working at Lowes was named Bryant- I just ran to the other side of the store and found your Daddy. This has happened so many times to me in the last 7 weeks. Last Saturday it hit me- I was having a bad day, got in the bathtub opened my book and the first line was "At Bryant park..." I just started crying and it hit me- that is your way of saying, in the sweet little voice i can only imagine you would have had, Mommy I am here with you. You are here with me all the time and I need to hold that with me on all those bad days.
Love, Mama
Another a-ha moment for your mom! About two weeks after you passed your Daddy and I went to Lowes. I was having a hard time that day just being "normal" in public when I hear "Bryant will you help those ladies". The man working at Lowes was named Bryant- I just ran to the other side of the store and found your Daddy. This has happened so many times to me in the last 7 weeks. Last Saturday it hit me- I was having a bad day, got in the bathtub opened my book and the first line was "At Bryant park..." I just started crying and it hit me- that is your way of saying, in the sweet little voice i can only imagine you would have had, Mommy I am here with you. You are here with me all the time and I need to hold that with me on all those bad days.
Love, Mama
Monday, March 9, 2009
Dear Bryant- your Daddy is great!
Dear Bryant,
Saturday we received a letter from a former Hoover High football player. (i think he graduated in either 2001 or 2002). He was writing to give his condolences and told a story of how your Dad (to him coach shep) influenced his life. This player dislocated his elbow at a summer practice before his senior year. He writes how scared he was that this was a football ending injury. Now I knew your daddy was great at his job but I was so inspired to read how he touched this player (and I am sure there are many others) with support and love as well as medically "getting them back on the field". Terry Slay (the pastor at Hunter Street that helps at the high school) said to Daddy a few days after your service that he feels that your daddy "does his job showing his love for the Lord and that it shows". Wow! Wow! Wow! I guess now as a parent I understand that those people that have an influence (especially positive) on your children are so important and your Daddy is that person to so many of them. The two days after you passed away we had hundreds of people come by the house- most of them parents of former or current Hoover students. We were so humbled by the love shown to us. At one point I looked at Brandon and said "we are not this good to people" but I realize now he is that good to people. I just hope this is a lesson for me that I make sure everyday that whatever I am doing I am doing it showing my love for the Lord!
By the way- I miss you a lot today.
Love, Mama
Saturday we received a letter from a former Hoover High football player. (i think he graduated in either 2001 or 2002). He was writing to give his condolences and told a story of how your Dad (to him coach shep) influenced his life. This player dislocated his elbow at a summer practice before his senior year. He writes how scared he was that this was a football ending injury. Now I knew your daddy was great at his job but I was so inspired to read how he touched this player (and I am sure there are many others) with support and love as well as medically "getting them back on the field". Terry Slay (the pastor at Hunter Street that helps at the high school) said to Daddy a few days after your service that he feels that your daddy "does his job showing his love for the Lord and that it shows". Wow! Wow! Wow! I guess now as a parent I understand that those people that have an influence (especially positive) on your children are so important and your Daddy is that person to so many of them. The two days after you passed away we had hundreds of people come by the house- most of them parents of former or current Hoover students. We were so humbled by the love shown to us. At one point I looked at Brandon and said "we are not this good to people" but I realize now he is that good to people. I just hope this is a lesson for me that I make sure everyday that whatever I am doing I am doing it showing my love for the Lord!
By the way- I miss you a lot today.
Love, Mama
Friday, March 6, 2009
Dear Bryant- the normal things are so hard
Dear Bryant,
Today was one of those "hard days" everyone tells me I am going to have. Why was today hard? Silly things like it is Friday, you are suppose to spend the day with me on Fridays, we went to the park after school and a lady had a baby your age in the same sling I had for you (remember the time you were in the sling in the mall, when your brother was taking forever in build a bear, and a lady thought you were a doll in there? as Brady would say "that was funny") or when Brady and I took Daddy dinner to the track and I could carry everything to him because I didn't have a baby seat in my hand. Why are these things the hardest? I talked to Ms Ellen today- I hope you are having fun with Vincent and her two other babies in Heaven- she misses them so much. She told me how she thought I was so strong if she only knew of my days like today when my prayer is "God please just get me through the day" And He always does, and he always will.
I love you and miss you so much
Mama
Today was one of those "hard days" everyone tells me I am going to have. Why was today hard? Silly things like it is Friday, you are suppose to spend the day with me on Fridays, we went to the park after school and a lady had a baby your age in the same sling I had for you (remember the time you were in the sling in the mall, when your brother was taking forever in build a bear, and a lady thought you were a doll in there? as Brady would say "that was funny") or when Brady and I took Daddy dinner to the track and I could carry everything to him because I didn't have a baby seat in my hand. Why are these things the hardest? I talked to Ms Ellen today- I hope you are having fun with Vincent and her two other babies in Heaven- she misses them so much. She told me how she thought I was so strong if she only knew of my days like today when my prayer is "God please just get me through the day" And He always does, and he always will.
I love you and miss you so much
Mama
Dear Bryant- Mama is starting a blog
Dear Bryant,
I am starting a blog. Now your mama is not a writer so there may be many people who read this once and never want to come back because the grammar and spelling drive them crazy (and run on sentences). But it will be from the heart. I started a journal two days after you went to be with Jesus and thought maybe I should change the journal to a blog. This will give the opportunity to share our struggles and joys with our friends and family and may be therapeutic for me. :) I hope to add the letters to you from my journal here as well to "catch" people up. I hope I can use this blog, through you, to glorify God as well. He has shown us His control and His love as only He can- maybe we can show that to someone else who is hurting.
Love, Mama
I am starting a blog. Now your mama is not a writer so there may be many people who read this once and never want to come back because the grammar and spelling drive them crazy (and run on sentences). But it will be from the heart. I started a journal two days after you went to be with Jesus and thought maybe I should change the journal to a blog. This will give the opportunity to share our struggles and joys with our friends and family and may be therapeutic for me. :) I hope to add the letters to you from my journal here as well to "catch" people up. I hope I can use this blog, through you, to glorify God as well. He has shown us His control and His love as only He can- maybe we can show that to someone else who is hurting.
Love, Mama
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