Dear Bryant- Sorry it has been so long

Dear Bryant,

Sorry it has been so long since I have sat down to write to you. I guess I am not very good at this blogging thing since I don't do it often enough. But to catch you up...

Brady and I went to New York to visit during spring break and Daddy came up for the end of the week. It was nice being there and just relaxing. The trip was bitter sweet for me- since you had never been there, there were not constant reminders of you everywhere but I was so sad you had never been there and meet all the crazy New York family. The service/visitation we had for you at the church was so overwhelming. We had over 100 people come to see us and watch your slideshow.

It still seems so unreal that you are gone.

When we got home from NY we received your final autopsy report. It was declared Unexplained Infant death (SIDS). I was glad you didn't choke but still wish I hadn't left you upstairs by yourself. I am so sorry baby maybe I could have done something if I had been by you? I know it is Gods plan and I am not supposed to understand. I wonder if you understand it? Does he tell you what the greater plan is? Or are you just so happy and content in Heaven you don’t worry about it? Your Daddy and I were talking last night and he said "we have to remember especially being Easter this week, that God made the ultimate sacrifice by having Jesus die for us" I am so thankful for that because on some of my darkest days I just dream of how great it will be to see you again someday.

On another note we are going to try to sell our house. It is just not the same without you here. I have mixed feelings about it - we need something happy- but in a new house you will not have a room (I guess you don’t need that overcrowded, badly decorated room anyways- do you?) I just pray that if it is the right thing to do our house will sell if it is not we will stay here.

I miss you so much.

Love,
Mama